crazy times

I recently hit another milestone…one of those that marks another year of life on you.  The older I get the more I see patterns in my life.

I felt the need to toss some recent thoughts into this blog.  Yeah it’s been a while.

I have some friends and even a former friend experiencing some bad times. I also have a 6 going on 7 year old who has a hard time with disappointment and failures.  I’ve certainly experienced my share of failure and disappointment, depressions and will probably experience more.  I have a hard time knowing what to say to my friends and family during these “times” …a pat on the head and “everything will work out” seems kind of patronizing and an “easy out.”  I’m an introvert and I have to come up with my own solution regardless of all the advice I get.  Extroverts tend to drive me nuts in that respect.

If it’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that human beings are fallible.  No one’s exempt.  Our heroes, our parents, our friends, spouses, significant others…. no-one is exempt from ‘fucking up’.  And the other part of that is it’s hard as hell to face our failings.  No-one hates to be wrong more than your’s truly.

In life’s travels I’ve come across people that are not capable of identifying or even admitting to their mistakes.  It’s always somebody else’s fault.  It’s always easier to point out all of the flaws of other people rather than think about ourselves.  That’s a whole other blog topic.

As a parental unit we don’t like to see our kids experience disappointment and failure.  But we’re not doing them any favors if we keep them in a protective bubble for 18 years and kick them into the cold cruel world.   There’s another potential blog topic, all on it’s own.

So back to my friends (and for myself) fucking up is inevitable….it’s not fun…but it’s going to happen.  At that point we can blame the external people/forces….we can kick ourselves….we can throw in the towel….be a chicken-shit and take the easy way out.  (Even in the darkest of times, suicide has never been an option for me.  I have this incessant need for survival that always takes over. )

After 30-some-odd years I’ve found some success in an other option.

The idea that it’s never too late to start all over again.

Like we used to say as kids…”OOPS, DO-OVER”.

Maybe it means trying again with a different approach.

Maybe it means completely re-inventing who we are.

Maybe it means finding a new road altogether.

I think…(notice I say think)…the key…is to find that 1 thing in life that is worth fighting for –  (Maybe if you’re lucky there might even be a couple.)  I also like the idea…that forgiveness (though hard)  is always possible.

I raise a pint to my friends & family.  I’ll weather the storm with ya the best I can.

Cheers.

Mission Accomplished!

I did it.  I exceeded the test score I needed to get into Calculus by 15%.  With that, I was able to talk to the Chair of the Math dept today and get into the classes I need.  I worked my ass off the past 2.5 months.  I regularly questioned myself if I would be able to do it, had moments of doubt, stress, and fear of the unknown.  The Pay-off happened Saturday when I nailed the Assessment and with today’s meeting.  Now I’m preparing to embark on some of the toughest classes I’ve had to take yet, but I’ve got my mental faculties back, my confidence back, and the motivation to kick some ass.   This was not a very enjoyable summer break.  We were not able to do much with the kids between work, classes and my studying.  Next summer that will change.  However, today’s carrot made all that work a nice little payoff.  School starts in a couple of weeks.  Bring it!

Meet the Ether Bunny

It’s been in the works for sometime, now it’s on the launchpad.

I love the music and the performance aspects of my current band.  That’s not changing, although, the three of us have been quite busy and haven’t accomplished much lately.

I have this other musical alter ego that creates music that doesn’t suit the mend palette.  I have a back catalog of songs (some more in the vein of ideas than structured songs) gathering virtual cobwebs.

It occurred to me last year that I should actually finish them and release them under my own moniker.  Especially in the digital age where I don’t have to worry about the expense of pressing CD’s.

I also discovered beatport.com…..it’s like itunes but deals primarily with electronic artists.  There is some amazing electronic music brewing out there, aside from the darker harsher industrial/EBM stuff I love.  So I’m tapping into that side of me.  Yep, it’s the proverbial solo project.   There’s something kind of freeing about working outside of a band format.  100% control….the only schedule I have to worry about is mine…which is hard enough right now.  It will also be a great way for me to dive into my love for trance, house, glitch, trip hop and ambient music.  I may also dive into “covering” some classical music….and when I say covering I mean turning some Mozart into a full blown beat driven club song.

I’m calling the project “finding wonderland”…yes there is an obvious Lewis Carroll reference there, I like it, it feels epic and psychedelic.  While cruising around the net one day, I saw a humorous pencil sketch of a cartoon rabbit wearing a gas mask carrying a basket with the caption “The Ether Bunny”.  I saw the potential for a “white rabbit” reference.

I found some clip art did some surgery and electronic drawing in photoshop & gimp and developed my icon for the project.

Meet DJ Wonderland, aka The Ether Bunny, aka The White Rabbit.

The project site is at www.findingwonderland.com and will progress as time and schedules allow.

some much needed inspiration

Paella Hortelana

Tried a new recipe ….was in a recent issue of Bicycling magazine…could be a new favorite, and good fuel for working out.

Calories: 705
fat: 19 grams
carbs: 117g (complex carbs by the way…the good kind)
protein: 21 g

Paella Hortelana

Paella Hortelana
2 ounces dried porcini mushrooms
3 tablespoons olive oil
4 ounces red or green bell peppers, diced small
5 to 6 ounces sliced mushrooms (preferably oyster, portobello or shiitake)
4 to 5 ounces fresh (or canned) artichoke hearts, sliced
1 to 2 tablespoons salt
2 pinches saffron
1 clove garlic
5 cups vegetable stock
2 cups rice (valencian or arborio)
4 ounces tomato sauce or sofrito
1 cup mushroom water (from soaking the porcinis)
2 to 3 ounces frozen green peas
2 to 3 ounces fresh (or frozen) green beans
2 to 3 ounces asparagus, thinly sliced crosswise
4 ounces roasted red bell pepper, thinly sliced
1 to 2 ounces currants or raisins
1 to 2 ounces toasted pine nuts

Soak porcinis in 2 cups lukewarm water for 45 minutes (reserve 1 cup of the water). Next, over medium heat, heat the olive oil in a paella pan (a traditional two-handled, shallow pan), and add bell peppers, mushrooms, artichoke hearts and half the salt. Mix well. While the vegetables cook for one to two minutes, in a bowl mash the saffron and garlic and add 1 tablespoon vegetable stock; set aside. Mix the rice into the paella, then add the tomato sauce or sofrito, 4 cups hot (almost boiling) vegetable stock, mushroom water and the saffron mixture. Shake the paella (hold the pan by the handles and shake back and forth), cover, and cook for 8 to 10 minutes on low heat. Add the peas, green beans, porcinis and asparagus, then cover and cook for four to five minutes. Shake the pan, taste for salt, add the rest of the stock and cover. When most of the liquid is absorbed, uncover for one to two minutes. Top with the roasted red pepper slices, currants and pine nuts. Serves four.
http://bicycling.com/article/0,6610,s1-4-21-18992-1,00.html

Another great race

…looking forward to 2010

http://www.teamradioshack.com/getready/

mend

Check out mend- electronic/ EBM/ Futurepop band from Pacific Northwest- at http://www.mend-music.com/music.html

Old Guys On Bicycles

Yes, the TDF is in full swing and I tune in every morning to watch it “live” through Versus.com.  First, I have to say that this is the first TDF in 4 or 5 years that hasn’t been riddled with doping allegations and disqualifications…that’s refreshing.  This year’s race is the big comeback of Lance on team Astana.  I watched stage 15 yesterday and was blown away by Alberto Contador’s stomp up that mountain to gain a 1:37 lead that got him the ‘mellow johnny’. If Contador continues with that kind of energy, he’ll be this year’s GC.  I think Lance will have to fight to get 2nd place.  Disappointing a little to some of us Armstrong fans that would like to see him ride into yellow one more time, but the reality is, he’s 37 and has been away from the high level competition mindset for 3 + years.  Just placing in the top 5 is one hell of an achievement.

The fact that he came into the race not as the “main man” for Astana was a sign that he isn’t the invincible Lance we knew years ago. Maybe that’s a good thing.  One thing I do know, in regards to the sport, he has a plan. This year it may not necessarily be about coming in first. I think his return has to do with something more personal. Even though he is on the team, he’s not drawing a paycheck from Astana.

Throughout this year’s race he’s been sporting a relaxed grin and seems to loving where he’s at.  It wouldn’t surprise me to see him starting his own team next year.
His biggest accomplishments off the bike have been the war he’s raged against cancer the past three years and he has publicized that this was his motivation for coming out of retirement.

All that aside, Contador had better be on his A-game, because it won’t be a gift.  There are 5 more stages to go.

Regardless of the outcome he will always be an icon and a presence to the sport. He represents hope and inspiration for people who are fighting cancer.

“Everyday is a gift.”

Give ‘em hell man!

Windows #%#$#!*#&%$ Vista!

My patience with Microsoft Vista came to an abrupt end last week.  I have a fairly new Toshiba widescreen laptop.  AMD x2 proccessor, plenty of ram and hard drive space.  It was zippy and fast and I never had a problem with it the first year.  Then gradually I noticed with new updates, new processes began running in the background.  It reached a point where it was using 35-40% of the system resources while completely idle.  The symantec framework for Norton began to fail regularly.  I purchased a fresh copy of Norton to renew the license and hopefully correct the issues…no such luck.  BSU’s network utility for logging on began to fail.  Booting up took 20 minutes and often required a restart. CD’s and DVD’s stopped autoloading.  Video began failing. The list goes on and on.

So Monday, I had it….I said farewell to MS Vista.  Buh Bye. Bon Voyage. I’m done.  I backed up my files and nuked the hard drive.

I setup an install disc for Unbuntu 9 and joined the Linux crowd.  (An inevitable step considering I’m in school to be a Software Developer)

I’m in love with my laptop again.  IT’s fast.  Everything works better than before.  The only negative is that Kodak does not provide linux drivers for their printers.  This is a minor hindrance compared to what I was dealing with before. (I’ll just “print to pdf” and then plug a thumb dive into the printer to print).

Wine is a great new development that acts as a shell/virtual machine for Windows software.  I set it up – Office 2007 and Dreamweaver run just fine on it.  I got everything I need for development- Libraries, my fave IDE’s (netbeans, & bluesfish) gVim, Dia & some other app which name I forget for building UML diagrams.  It’s ready to roll for another school year.

Audio & video works better than it ever did on Vista.  I miss it NOT!

Cheers!

Dynamic Symmetry

I’m listening to an old favorite on a warm rainy Wednesday morning. It’s one of those albums that continues to grow on you even after the 100th listen.  BT’s “This Binary Universe”.  If I need a mood lifter this one worth putting in.  It requires active listening to fully appreciate.  (particularly in surround sound with the accompanying DVD / videos).

My oldest loves this album particularly the video for Dynamic Symmetry that features animated flying robot birds.  It’s an eclectic combination of electronic, classical, jazz, glitch, and trance.

It combines music from a full orchestra that morphs with electronics, piano and a jazz ensemble.  It is completely instrumental and the music speaks volumes more than what a vocal or lyric could produce.

The first track was composed not by ear, but coded completely in C++ (a programming language) in csound.  Ironically, it’s titled “All That Makes Us Human Continues”.

Not to mention that there are elements in the songs that contain hidden meanings in mathematical code which appeals to the geek in me.

It reminds me of some of the music I grew up with as a little kid – nods to Gershwin, Duke Ellington, Cole Porter – as well as cutting edge electronics that I obsess over now.   The final track nearly made me weep when I first heard it.  It’ s warm and nostalgic and reminded me of my kids.  It wasn’t a surprise to find out later that it was written as a lullaby for his daughter.

Anyone who is a fan of music, all genres aside, should listen to this album.  I can’t say enough good things about it.

I’m off to brew some coffee and start my day.

Cheers.