I should be a case study on the effects of sleep deprivation. And yes I’m writing this at 3 a.m. with 4 more hours of work yet to go. I’ve been in denial regarding it’s effects for some time up until recently. Lately it’s about the only thing I’ve been blogging about. Now things are coming to an ugly head on the eve of leaving the job that helped us out for a while. Now I’m worried about the aftershock.
The moral of my story….if you think you can handle long term sleep deprivation and function at a high level, reconsider that train of thought.
1) My memory is shot.
It took me 20 minutes to remember my login when I got to work this evening. The same login I’ve had for 2 months. My wife is probably ready to beat me because half the time she’ll tell me something and I’ll forget it 10 minutes later.
A recent programming project took me an additional 4 hours (minus the time the server was having issues) because I kept forgetting 2 simple components that I used to know like the back of my hand.
I’m preparing for a math exam and don’t remember doing half the stuff on the review sheet.
2) Constant headaches
3) The usual 3a.m. hallucinations just started. I keep seeing birds flying around the computer room in my peripheral vision.
4) Tremors. These don’t normally start until monday mornings. This weekend they started about 12 hours early.
5) No motivation, for anything.
6) Depression. It’s been here for a while…I’ve just been in denial about it. I feel like an alcoholic or recovering drug addict.
7) My health. 2 years ago I was in an intermediate MTB racing shape, I shudder to think where I’m at now. I look like shit….I should try and find work as an extra in a resident evil movie. I desired a new pic for my FB profile and did some interesting color edits to make my skin & eyes look less corpse like.
So there it is. And now as a result a major setback may be approaching. This job was necessary for our survival but now I’m endangering the very thing I set out to accomplish. My GPA is fine but I overlooked a small detail that my wife pointed out regarding the 75% rule.
In the grand scheme of things …ultimately it’s recoverable. I can’t give up…it’s a family legacy that we don’t throw in the towel during hard times. I also wear this yellow band around my wrist that represents a similar ideology. But in the mean time one can’t help but feel as though he’s letting his peeps down. That’s the worst of it. We’ll trudge on and come up with a plan. We always do. I would hate to think where I’d be without my wife. I’ve dumped enough gloom and doom into one blog, I need to prepare for some work stuff.
On my immediate agenda-
1) meet with the financial aid office to see what my options are for my given situation. 2) Dr appointment to assess the damage and start a recovery plan. I suspect I may need some light sleep aids for getting a regular sleep routine underway. (I get a europhic buzz that starts about 10 o’clock like a second wind.) 3) Keep hitting the books.
1 Comment
April 13, 2009 at 9:17 pm
We’ll get through this, just like we’ve gotten through everything else crappy that’s hit us.
I refuse to have this situation beat us down. We’ll have you back to perky and driving me nuts in no time flat!
Love from your wife